tsunami in asia

i was not aware of the news till i heard ppl discussing abt it... work has been very busy and tiring and i haven not read newspapers for days... the tragedy came suddenly and hard on the countries around sg... it has been very depressing to be reading abt the increase in death toll over the days... esp when peiyi just told me abt a gal who was infected with bird flu in vietnam and death toll has arisen one hundred thousands... heart breaking to see children losing their mums, mums searching vainly for their children... husbands who found their children but lost their wives...

even though many countries are sending aids and financial assistances to the victims, the condition dun seemed to be getting well... just read the news together with sarah... indonesia is receiving more and more aids but its not helping... cuz there is not enough volunteers to help out over there... various ways of donating money and food have been set up... through the banks, travel agencies, breadtalk, ntuc, private organisations, etc, sg ppl are able to donate the necessities to be sent to the affected areas... but... there is not enough ppl to help out to sort the donations... right now, i dun have the details but sarah said the organisations are really in need of volunteers to help sort out the items... it will be during weekends... so ppl who are working or studying can help out... i will post the information on my blog... any interested ppl in sg can go and help out too!

by the way, i happened to look at channelnewasia's forum... and there seemed to be some arguments over how lil sg govt has done... and a meaningless comment on how ashame tat person was, being a sporean... personally, i think its quite dumb... wats the pt of saying tt... i believe they are doing something abt it... it is always sg's policy to help our neighbours when they are in need... but the ppl themselves are also doing their parts? why is tat person talking and complaining instead of helping out... we are fighting against time isnt it?

given the terrible living conditions in those affected areas, epidemics are expected to break out... more medical supplies are required... i just hope those organisations collecting money do really contribute 100% to the reliefs... which is something we nvr know of? haiz... at least they should give the victims clean water u know? clean portable water? such floodings are likely to result in water-borne diseases...

not forgetting the most impt thing is to pray for the ppl... pray hard! pray tat the loved ones be found... pray tat the deceased be at peace... pray tat the living find courage to live on...

= fake wings =

you gave me wings

for once, i thought i was really flying high

soaring in the air

till my wings disappeared

i fell, from the sky

to the bottomless pit

from brightness

to total neverending darkness

only then did i ever realised

what was given

nothing but fake wings

# written after listening to the song "fake wings" by yuki kajiura

attachment @ givaudan

working hrs : 830 - 530

lunch : 1200 - 100

trying to get used working in the lab... things are supposedly going fine...

*sad n disappointed*

these few days dun have chance to chat online.. i tried to call him twice..

1. he was so tired n tot tat he dreamt tat i called?

2. i wished i could talk longer but i think either most of the time i am talking or its silence all the way.

just now, my stomachache was hurting so much tat i was practically lying on the bed... unable to move... and i had my dinner very late... no appetite... and i find myself in very low spirits... physically sick + emotionally down = very very very very bad mood... i really hope i can find someone to share my unhappiness... but there is really no one... really no one.

the armour

suddenly tot of chihiro onitsuka's "armour"... its a very nice song... in order not to get hurt, it is necessary to put up an armour to protect urself... indeed, an armour can save u from being getting hurt... but it is also the armour that forms a barrier between u and other ppl... issit really alright to be alone? issit really alright not to say anything anymore? if u nvr open up to other ppl, it is hard to gain acceptance isnt it? maybe another 'honda tohru' will come and save u... if not, r u going to be another 'kisa'? whenever there is someone to hurt u, there is bound to be another who is there for u... when u begin to understand this, maybe u will feel better... i am, too, looking for 'honda tohru'...

:: my after tots of watching fruit basket (episode with kisa) ::

- notice -

know wat? i was scolded for poking into other ppl's business. fine. from now on, i am not going to say or do anything anymore. i shall mind my own business. and NOBODY shall have a say in watever i do.

- uncertainty -

i am unsure where i wanna go... many a times i am standing at the cross path... there are things to be forgotten but not yet forgotten... there are things to be remembered but i cant remember anything... i am very good at making myself miserable i know...

:: after a nap ::

after a nap... after dinnering... after watching tv... i came online again... actually i have nth to do online... just wanna check if he's online... but too bad he is not... ya lor, he finished his exams le... must be playing happily so never come online...

fst 3104 - the paper was really a goner... the easy part set by prof zhou, i nvr study in detail... i should say the answers i gave were sucky... one look also can see i am trying to bullshit my way through... the part by prof leong... nvr mind, i am sure nobody knows how to do... as usual, her questions are always beyond comprehension... the part by doc nazlin? she's crazy i tell you... dunno how to teach and still set the paper so hard? tell me how to finish 25 mcqs in 30 mins? somemore the questions were damn hard... need to think alot abt 'not true' 'true' 'false'... some of the questions were nvr mentioned a single bit in the lectures... the structure questions... by time i started doing... my mind was totally confused and blurred... wat's the difference btw psychological and physiological factors? dun rem... just wrote wat comes to my mind...

fst 3101 - received an email from dr huang saying that he changed questions last min cuz he was informed that there was leakage of exam questions... are u sure? anyway the original paper was nth easier than the paper tat i sat for... the only exam when i wrote nicely for the answers... cuz i dunno wat to write and there's so much time to write nicely... maybe have tong qing fen ar... hahaha

fst 3102 - this is not hard but i have no time to finish? nobody attempted the question set by prof ho to discuss transgenic plants... haha seems more like a life science question den food science question... did two from dr ngiam and two from prof barlow... relatively ok but half way thru i was kinda brain dead... missed out a lot of points which i could discuss for a 25 mk question... so... expecting a mediocre grade...

= the above is a short discussion =

lets await the killer paper on monday...

my last exam in uni

its bad, very bad... i am still sick... all thanks to the rainy weather and the wind that always follow me wherever i go... still have one remaining paper and i know its a killer paper... haha really make ppl no mood to study...

i just realised today that my menses is late... by 3 or 4 days le... maybe i am just too stressed that it dun wanna come... good! i hope it leaves me alone till my engin paper is over lor... if not, i will die of cramps again... yaya, i 'die' every month wan...

went to ntuc just now... to check the japanese curry there... so limited... dun have my favourite brand... but i think its ok to try other brands too... should not be that bad... cuz i am cooking dinner at daniel's hse on sun... *stressed* cook for six ppl ler... its no easy task... dun play2...

tampines mall is flooded with ppl... so irritating... i dun like to shop when there's so many ppl... and ntuc is flooded with chocolates... all decorated for the festive season? argh, i cant control my chocolate craving... i will get 'after eight' for xmas... hahaha i love 'after eight' even though some ppl dun like the taste... chocolate + mint = subarashii... so many chocolates... i feel like eating toberone these days... dun tell me about the 4% insect parts in chocolate k? i will still eat chocolate... somemore eat insects will have extra proteins... heehee~

i can feel xmas coming to tampines... suddenly all the decorations and chocolates... why on earth am i still having exams and torturing myself? *dun understand* hm... wat will all of you be doing on xmas? i haven tot of wat to do yet... if nobody is going to accompany me (most likely so), i think i will still go out on my own... haha go walk walk alone... anyway, i think i can give xmas gifts after xmas... since everyone is coming back to singapore late... hahaha everyone = qianqi + huiling + raven (?)

i wanna go nap le... cant type much... my finger injuried... still hurt... :s

*kowai*

these few days, wo hen bu guai... minna wo shinpai saseta no honto ni honto ni gomen ne... :( really wasted alot of time... ima no watashi jikan ga nai shi, mood mo nai shi... komaru >_< hope i can just make use of the remaining time to study watever tat is possible... i know, other than frens, i also made you very worried... m(_ _)m *jia you for ur last paper k?* i will try to study hard...

::everGreen::

a continued update from previous entry... cuz during afternoon i felt tat i din study much... tat night i really went to study with daniel... hahaha we studied from 12 to 4 am... its quite nice to study there... ample lighting and quiet... just that the wind is so strong... half way through studying, the wind blew till my hands turned cold... luckily its near daniel's house... so he went to get his jacket for me... *thanks thanks* i still rem we were talking abt cooling down and warming up... when you are very hot and you went into a cool room, the feeling is not as nice as when you are very cold and you went into a warm room... the latter feels nicer!!! *ii kimochi ni naru* and daniel commented tat i got more freedom compared to other gals... cuz i can just go out anytime i like without having curfews... hahaha -_-" when we ended our studying session, he went to the coffeeshop near my hse to da pao food for his bro... i din know there's so much new stuffs at the coffeeshop till he told me...

the next day, i met him and huiling to study... i went tp quite late so huiling was going off... left me and daniel to study together... these few days, daniel has been asking me to drink more hot water so that my flu feels better... he even msged me a few times just to remind me to drink hot water... -_-" in order not to waste his 5 cents, i went to drink hot water... haha ya, in his eagerness to make me drink hot water, he melted my water bottle... cuz i refilled my bottle with cold water from water cooler... suddenly he stood up and took my bottle, saying he's going somewhere... when he came back, my water bottle was deformed... hahaha but *thanks*... he went out of the library to the business study bench area to get hot water for me... *even though i din managed to drink the hot water lar* =p

i left tp around six and went to bugis for my japanese exams... hm~ the paper was relatively easy i think... but usually i finish fast den never check thoroughly... always got careless mistakes... dunno whether can get above 94 anot this time... it started from 720 to 820... i finished at 745 and waited till 8 then i was allowed to leave... rushed to bugis junction, trying to find the japanese restaurant where the choir ppl are waiting... its called "mai maison" i tink... very very nice ambience... :) but its quite ex... :s and the food is very very delicious except that i think its too salty... hahaha finally saw changching!!! *hug hug* she hardly go home for holidays... most of the time, studying in melb... this time, she is going back to taiwan and stopping over... =) she still look the same!! just that her hair is much longer... so happy to see her!!! we talked abt lotsa things... heehee~ but she left this afternoon... i hope she can come back soon to meet us again... after dinner, we went to a small cafe at one of the small roads near bugis... and continued to talk and take pictures... i like the cafe too... it has lotsa antique stuffs in it... feels very comfy... i ordered one glass of ice camomile tea float... hahaha tasted weird... i tink i prefer the hot camomile tea itself... :p but i came home very late... reached mrt station 12 plus... in the end i nvr went study with daniel... :s but nvr mind, later i am going to meet him for study... too bad huiling lives so far away... cant join us... :( hope i can study more later...

i am still sick... my flu seemed to get better and worsen again... hey daniel, ur hot water trick is not working ler... :p and i felt like coughing again... but nvr mind... i got caring friends like HUILING who would buy me GREEN BEAN SOUP when i wanna drink chingteng... >_< i am thankful that i still got friends who care abt me... =)

moodLESS

oh, went to tp to study again... not quite in the condition to study... haha poor huiling n daniel were disturbed by me... :p met alvin in the library too... *bikkuri shita (surprised)* and he was telling me he is going to learn bahasa indonesia to communicate with his maid... cuz his maid cant speak english... hm~ he is a very filial grandson you know... i think they just hired the maid recently to take care of his grandma...

half the time i cant concentrate and was flipping magazines... cuz i took the flu med lor... trying to stop my running nose but it makes me slpy... -_-" but at least i studied abit... *a teeny weeny bit* in the end we din go for movies... cuz dun have the incredibles tonite at GV... yuan lai it starts from tmr... *stupid* :( and huiling refused to watch other movies... haiz... but nvr mind, i am going to daniel's place to study later after 1130 pm... not exactly at his place lar... its at the void deck lor... hahaha poor daniel got to walk to and fro from my place to his place... hope i can study more later...

tmr is another japanese paper at night from 720 to 820... and after that, gotta meet changching and others at bugis... :) happy that she finally came back from melbourne... but she's only staying a few days in sg before going back to taiwan... so we must meet up tmr!!! =)

- abt suicide -

i stared at the window. it was locked but the key was left there. i opened the window and looked out. its so easy. last time the old man who jumped from 5th storey died.

[Suicide and parasuicide rates have increased in Singapore since 1980 and in 1986 were estimated to be 13.1 per 100,000 and 92 per 100,000 respectively. Those most prone to suicidal behaviour are the Indians and the aged above 70 years. Jumping from a height is still the commonest method of suicide and self-poisoning is the most popular method of parasuicide.]

if they were to study the suicide rate in 2004, it wld probably have increased. and the age group might include teenagers. despite jumping from a height is the commonest method cuz there were so many high-rise buildings around, the latest method is to fall into the mrt track as the train arrives.

[A man can live 30 days without food, 3 days without water, 3 minutes without air, but not a single moment without hope.]

i find this very true. if the will to survive is strong, we can last longer than anything else till our body fails us. when u feel like ending it, its just in a moment of time. it is important that we find our meaning in life to continue, so that we may persevere and carry on. to different ppl, there is a different meaning to go on. its ok, more importantly is to find ur own reason. one of my frens, she said, gotta think of the ppl who are going to be heartbroken when you die. ya, it is indeed necessary to think of ur loved ones. if you really love them deeply, dun wanna them to get hurt or be unhappy, why wld you in the first place commit suicide? another fren, he said, since i have already halfway through my life, might as well get through the whole life. it makes sense too. read abt ppl losing their money and jobs, owe debts, suffered from terminal illness. their lives are really very terrible for people like me to understand. but we all do feel the same way when faced with a hopeless situation right? (yeah, exams to a student does sound hopeless in a way or another) in our mind, we filled with negative thoughts, thinking, 'hey this is the worst i have faced. i cannot tahan longer. (tahan: tolerate i.e. singlish)' for me, every semester seemed so terrible and never ending. its the ultimate torture. but can you imagine? i have been saying this for so many times? even when i took the most hopeless module, i got it over. unfortunately, for some, they chose to end their lives so that they no longer need to face such hopeless situations anymore. we should not be overwhelmed by how we feel. seriously. speaking from experience, once you get too overwhelmed, you dun consider the normal logical thinking. dun give up hope. who knows whether things will turn out for better? "who knows?" only God knows. all the more we should not give up on ourselves. all the more we should pick ourselves up. i still rem once, i heard the pastor saying, why be so hard on urself? you just have to do ur best and leave the rest up to God. you dun have to carry that heavy burden alone bcuz God is with you. we are just too stubborn isnt it? always trying to do things our own ways. but dont you realise it? there is nothing too small and nothing too big for God to handle. Trust in him.

i have no idea why i am typing this entry out of a sudden. hope it can help relieve some unhappiness in anyone who come across this.

p/s: i have not been studying for my exams today. quite hopeless cuz i got so much things to read on. but i guess i would study leisurely and just let life as it is. nothing to be so stressed about, i am not doing honours anyway. surely it wouldnt be that bad i supposed.

Award Presentation Ceremony

lets tok abt yday first... i took the stupid flu med and tried to sleep... but no matter how long i stayed in bed, my mind refused to rest... and i dun have mood to study at all... in the end, i woke up to watch "fruit basket"... its nice cuz this time i get to watch in original version i.e. japanese pronounication... but heehee most of the time i prefer to just read the english subtitles... cuz sometimes i dun understand the japanese and also to double check what i understand... ya, tats me... watching japanese shows is not at all a simple thing to do for me... but i love it! =p from the start of listening to nanase's songs , dun understand a single word till now, can read and listen a little bit... i feel like this is a great achievement!! i hope one day i can learn to read asahi (i.e. news) cuz the kanji looked so chim... haha~

so after watching fruit basket, i am supposed to rest... ya, i was having my dinner while watching it... i really went to rest cuz i think the med finally took effect and i was feeling so damn drowsy... (tats wat i hate abt flu med sometimes) and guess what? i slpt at 730 and woke up only this morning... and my head was feeling heavy... cuz i was knocked out for so long...

my sis woke me up and dragged me to the award presentation ceremony... these few days i have been sick and that really decreased my mood index so much that i dun feel like doing anything at all (even though the exams are coming real soon)... *dou ni kanaru deshou?* =p but i managed to get to my bro's pri sch with my sis... anyway, we werent the latest ppl to arrive there... ahahaha since his sch is so near to my hse... both of us wear quite nice lor compared to some parents who really... erm, i know they live nearby too!!! as we walked into the hall, we saw our bro sitting at the side of the hall... where all other award receipents were... he saw us and was damn embarassed... he turned his head around... i can imagine him thinking "alamak, why my sisterS come???"... heehee~ he has been feeling very paiseh and nervous abt this ceremony... and i wonder why? hahahhaa he is really timid... -____-" as usual, the principal gotta give a speech but i think the speech is very badly given... its not formal or wat... and the words used i feel kinda inappropriate for a speech... but but but its primary sch mar... wat would u expect? when its over, time to present the award... hahaha my bro kept turning his head over and look at us... occassionally, when we happened to look at him too, he gave a sheepish smile... when its his turn, he walked up and you see two crazy gals clapping damn loudly below the stage... hahaha he seemed so scared and kept lowering his head... -_____-" ok, tats my timid little bro... =p after that, the teacher said "parents, u may come up and take pics with ur kids...."... mind you, there are also siblings present too!!!!!! other ppl's siblings ar, at most sec 1... me and my sis are neither young nor old... hahaha i was in a rush so nvr bring my hp there... cannot take pic... :( but i took the plaque from him lar... "best progess award" carved with his name and class... hm~ so envious!!! i nvr had a plaque before... but my awards are usually monetary... :p *good good*

lucky him to have two sisters to attend the award ceremony and clap for him... =) in my memory, usually i attended such ceremony ALONE... except once or twice, when my mum brought me to go for the bursary award ceremony which was quite far for a kid to go... but i guess it feels different to attend alone and with someone u know... the latter, u will feel more "yaya"... :p and also, this kind of encouragement esp. from parents is very impt for the kids... for young kids, rather than the award, the real achievement is to see ur parents standing below there and clapping for you... (tats wat i feel lar) hm... next time "if" i were to have kids, hopefully i will be able to attend every single ceremony with them!!

next yr, HOPEFULLY i will be able to graduate... it will signify the end of education and a new beginning in the working society... so after slogging so many yrs in sch, its still gonna be slogging in another new environment... hahaha i hope my family (including parents, sister, brother) can attend the ceremony and... ya, not forgetting someone very impt (you-shld-know-who-you-r)... its compulsory attendance!!! and its great cuz most of my frens are graduating together with me... heehee those taking honours can continue to be envious! =p oh, for me to graduate, maybe i shall go back to my studies now? EXAMS EXAMS EXAMS... how can i be thinking of graduation next yr when my exams is next week? (crazy gal) -________________-"

-sick-

last nite i woke up in the middle of the nite... realising tat my throat was hurting alot... *cough cough* when i finally got out of bed, my running nose was still there... looks like i got to waste lotsa tissue paper these few days... lucky i din feel like vomitting this morning... hope i can have a better appetite... dun wanna miss out the good food ler... =p

today is 14 nov ar... tmr is the first paper for rvn!!!! *jia you* i know u will study hard for this exams deshou? dun slp too late tonite... its a morning paper rite? =) and also not forgetting... *happy 1 yr + 4 mths* so u must jia even more you cuz its a special day tmr... *all the best*

~wasurerarenai omoide~

alright, tats the title for my sakkubun... translated to eng, its "memories that cant be forgotten"... actually there's another one title to choose which is "shingapooru no gyouji"... translated to eng, its "an event of singapore"... argh, so difficult to write... usually, i would leave 20 minutes before this one hour paper... but this time, i left 10 minutes earlier only... anyway, i wrote abt the years spent in nus with the foody people... i really had fun with them and gonna miss them during my IA... :(

when i finished my sakkubun and abt to leave, i saw jackwee sitting there dumbly... hahaha can see that he finished his sakkubun but he din leave? so in the end, we handed in our papers together and went off... i was so hungry cuz i nvr had dinner... and i realised jackwee also nvr eat... haha actually wanna wait for slyvia to have dinner together... but she's meeting her parents... jackwee wanted to eat at BK but i dragged him to go mos burger with me... :p while eating, he was trying to tell me some IQ question and i told him abt daniel's IQ question... haha and keep suaning him... in the end, he took out a piece of paper and started drawing a chick... it turned out to be some real dumb joke... -_-" and we started drawing animals on tat piece of paper... haha can see that he cant draw well ar... heehee~ i was feeling quite down before this but after dinner i felt much better... all thanks to jackwee!

but on the way home, i felt nauseous and it was terrible... i feel like vomitting but i cant... these few days i have not been having proper meals... either i missed breakfast or i din had lunch... i dun have appetite and dun feel like eating anything at all... i only felt like eating chocolate or ice cream... i think from tmr onwards, i will try to take liquid food only... its easier and less disgusting to vomit i think... i must try to wake up early tmr to study... lost so much time to my depression... i must snap out of it!

=raining day=

last nite, i was surfing depression websites together with my best fren... really thankful to her who is always with me no matter wat happens... even though she is in her midst of exams... so paiseh to trouble her... we found a singapore based depression online forum... think it wld be a good idea to post my situation there and hopefully they can help me... i seeked help from suyu too... and i hope to get more info from her so tat i can seek medical advice if necessary... ya, before i start having suicidal tots again... its a tough struggle between the emotional and rational me and its tearing me apart...

i could not wake up again... i was awake by ten but i just feel tired and tried to go back to slp... during these 3 hours, i woke up and slp, slp and woke up... till my mum was staring at me and asking me to wake up... i struggled to get up but i feel empty... went TP to study with huiling but cant really concentrate... my stomach was hurting on and off again... i decide to come home for 15 minutes before going to japanese exams... i feel like asking someone out to walk walk with me after the japanese exams... i wonder who is free? huiling suggested daniel... ya, maybe i can ask him to go walk walk with me... i hope i can make myself so tired tt i wun dream tonite...

good luck to this stupid gal who nvr really studied for her japanese essay...

symptoms of depression II

How to depress yourself

Good Event:

• Write off your successes
• Fail to get any emotional satisfaction
• Miss out on a boost to your self esteem
• Fail to get a realistic idea of your abilities

Bad Event:

• Blow things out of proportion
• Dramatically increase the negative emotional impact
• Fail to see possibilities for change
• Take responsibility for things outside of your control

And when you are depressed, because of your state of emotional arousal and/or exhaustion, you are more prone to 'allocate' meaning to something incredibly quickly, which is why tolerating uncertainty is such a key skill...

Tolerating uncertainty: first impressions last

Uncertainty is an unpleasant thing. Human beings dislike it intensely, and when depressed or anxious, it troubles them even more. In fact, a good equation for anxiety is...

Key Understanding Anxiety = Uncertainty x Importance

Depressed people often doubt themselves in all kinds of ways, but seldom in their judgment about their own interpretations of things.

A common trait displayed by those suffering from clinical depression is not being able to tolerate uncertainty - having to assign a meaning quickly to everything that happens. The depression will take care of "filling in the gaps" in an explanation of events.

High levels of emotional arousal will tend to make you assign meaning to things very quickly, as these levels of arousal are usually reserved for life-threatening situations.

[guess wat? i feel like the whole passage is talking abt me... i need a psychiatrist...]

symptoms of depression

What is significant in the physical signs of depression amongst sufferers is:

• The overwhelming amount of sufferers that are chronically fatigued.
  
• The increase of physical aches and pains that have no apparent source.
  
• Depression sufferers' increased susceptibility to disease.

Being depressed can feel like a physical disorder because it is so exhausting, and because it can actually hurt.

oh no! i seemed to fit some of the categories... esp the second one... i have been constantly having stomachache... but its not those stomachache tat make u wanna go toilet... it just makes me uncomfortable... sometimes it hurt so much tat i could only lie on the bed and do nothing... fatigue ar... i am always feeling slpy for these few days... is tat considered as fatigue? diseases ar? i haven caught any yet...

depression & overdreaming

[the passage below is from http://www.clinical-depression.co.uk/Understanding_Depression/understanding.htm]

Basically, because dreaming is hard work.

Dreaming itself is not a restful activity. Dreaming is called 'paradoxical sleep' because brain wave patterns are similar to those of the brain when completely awake.

Dreaming is a state of arousal.

As far as much of your brain is concerned, your dream is real. So adrenaline and other stress hormones in your system will be active in the body.

This is a double edged sword, because over-dreaming, as well as using up these hormones and energy, is actually making it harder for the body to make more. As you try to flush out the incomplete emotions, you spend more time in REM sleep, and therefore less time in deep sleep, when your body should be recuperating in preparation for producing these hormones for the next day.

So if you are over-dreaming you're not resting but flooding your system with adrenaline and other stress hormones. If most of your sleep consists of dreams, your body and mind will begin to feel very tired during the day. Depressed people often report that the worst time of day is first thing in the morning.

Sometimes a depressed person may start waking up early in the morning and not be able to get back to sleep. This may be a way of the body trying to cut down on over-dreaming in order to try and lift depression.

This depletion is also why depressed people often feel at their worst first thing in the morning.

As the day progresses, their hormones replenish themselves and their energy levels increase, and they are better able to motivate themselves.

[i have been dreaming so much tat i really feel drained out early in the morning. even if my brain wakes up at 7, my body is not able to cooperate. argh, my exams are 9am paper. if i nvr manage to recover from overdreaming, most likely gotta miss my papers le.]

emotionally depressed

i felt a crushing depression upon me.

the more i tried to resist, the harder it came down on me.

its suffocating.

*dareka tatsukette kudasai*

*ARGH*

sometimes u sign in to msn is not just to chat.

you can ask ur frens abt ur report.

you can discuss the results of ur expt.

even if u jus wanna chat, does it really matter?

as long as you hand up ur work in time, who cares?

A kiss is not just a kiss~

Today prof barlow showed us an article, whereby a woman was sent to A & E after she was kissed by her bf.... how amazing? well, it turned out that she has immediate hypersensitivity reactions towards shellfish... apparently, her bf ate some shellfish and kissed her right after... the minute amount in her bf's mouth is enough to cause her anaphylactic shock... *scary* this is so serious that if she never get to the hospital in time, she might be dead? so, now everyone knows, a kiss is not just a kiss... especially when you are truly allergic to a particular foodstuff... hahaha better check what ur bf eats? =) and of cuz, check wat are you allergic to? only 1-2% of the population actually develop true allergy... rest assured that ur bf can still kiss you after eating seafood, if you only develop rashes hours after eating seafood urself...

interesting fact no. 2... there are increasing ppl found to be allergic to bird's nest?? :s the study was done in sg... wah... heehee~ not everyone is fated to eat good stuffs yeah? prof barlow said it's the proteins in the bird's nest that would actually cause allergic reactions... and more interestingly, if you are never exposed to the foodstuffs before, you will never develop an allergic reaction towards it... hm~ suddenly i recalled that i am allergic to a particular drug called voltaren... the first dosage was alright and it eased my pain... i developed symptoms when i took it for two days... :s *dangerous* and i got to avoid it for the rest of my life... heng, its not some nice food... else i will be very sad... =(

just a minor update about my health... these few days in sg, it has been raining heavily... such that my mood is totally affected... not just feeling grey, i am not motivated to finish the remaining reports as well... somemore there's a test on mon... sianz... yesterday, i started limping again... haiz... fated... this time i sprained my left leg.... previously i sprained my right leg twice... but luckily it is just a slight sprain... not really swollen but it hurts... so i became the limping queen again!!! >_<

why try so hard?

mf ever said she is the type of person who wun try so hard... i guess its really better this way... wat for try so hard and in the end make urself even more xin ku?

haiz... this wk and next wk, i shall die of writing reports... maybe i should not try so hard... expect less of myself so that i wun feel like everything is nvrending?

:: quote of the day ::

"sometimes how u feel, might not be wat others feel..."

::lost touch::

today we did canteen inspection before going to microbrewery in suntec... on the way, i was beside meifang and we were talking abt pen pals... i used to have a very nice pen pal but we have lost touch le... not really so-called pen pal.. i knew him thru irc though... but later we always communicate via emails and mails... as i recalled the stuffs that we used to do together, everything seemed so far and so long ago... i had a nickname for him called "pet human" and he called me "dino"... sounded stupid now but it wasnt at tat time for me... time have changed... ever since after my a levels, we seldom keep in contact... and now, we have already lost touch... anyway, i still wish him all the best!!!

::amazing::

its really amazing... i actually stayed up till 6 this morning when i have lecture at 8? hahaha of cuz i din wake up in time... woke up at 730 and managed to get to lecture at 9... :s i missed quite a bit on cocoa beans and chocolate... but ya, seems like i am always the latest person to reach the lecture? this is so possible cuz my class is so small... i wun know if its in lt... and everything is so boring today... the ava trip was ultimately boring... its the exact things i heard for the open house in july... and i was so tired tat i nearly fell aslp x times... and now i got headache le...

right now, i haven had dinner yet... just managed to rush out the sauerkraut report... haiz... so difficult to find information lor... next thing on hand is..................term paper!!!

=sick=

i am having a fever + stomachache since last nite. i could not sleep at all cuz my stomachache came on and off. when it did not hurt tat much, i managed to doze off for a while. when the pain turns acute, i was awaken and just lying on the bed. already not being in a good mood. getting sick only makes it worse.

Happy birthday~

every year, this is the impt day where two very impt persons to me are celebrating their bdays... one is yj whom i have known her since pri sch... and always according to my mum, she knows yj's grandma when we were in same kindergarten... does it really matter? anyway, we are long time friends... the other is rvn, my bf... haha wat a coincidence that they are bornt on the same day... its fate i believe... and somehow i find their characters sometimes quite similar... *expectation error?* hahaha ok, i dun wanna to talk abt sch wk... in a lil while more, i am going to shower n attend yj's party... not staying over though... cuz my bro needs someone to stay at hm... and also... my stomach has been hurting since i came hm... issit pms? *might be* but there is yet to have signs... and i called him last nite when i came back from ps... i was quite tired from shopping cuz my bag was super heavy and i had a long day... still, i managed to find some energy to talk for quite long... an hour plus... till i was really going to shut down soon... hm, maybe i should not just keep quiet and got mistaken for being bushuang... i tot he heard me saying 'orz'... well, its a misunderstding afterall... hope he is not mad at me... >_< next yr, i hope we can celebrate his bday together!! heehee, i heavy color light fren wan... no lar... i tink yj would also celebrate with jiebin... so we can celebrate her bday another day mar... =)

hope u 2 will have a fun n fantastic bday!! dun get sabo ar... =)

:: tots ::

曾经有朋告诉我， 只要快乐就好。 可是她没有告诉我， 如果不快乐， 要怎么办？=(

~ wine harvest ~

last nite, i did the report of unsteady heat transfer till 5am... and i could not be bothered to double check my discussion for grammar mistakes and incoherences and as such... well, its the last report for food engineering le... dun expect me to be that hardworking... =p we (as in the food sci ppl) still have lotsa reports to rush... and dun really have time to study at all!

anyway, today is quite wu liao to go sch wan... but i still went for the lab and shunbian hand in the report... does it matter? not quite, as we all know, vel is a very slack TA... hahaha for 01 lab today, we were supposed to watch the demo for enzymatic peeling of fruits... quite cool~ just imagine peeling citrus fruits using enzymes... we used grapefruits... and its super easy with enzymes... den yaya, its wine harvest time... previously we gotten 5 groups to do the fermentation of wine... but 2 failed cuz not enuff fermentable sugars for yeasts to work on... instead it turned bad... :s my group was lucky... group 5 was too sweet and group 3 was too bitter... our group was the best! nice! i even brought a bit home for my dad to try... hehe~ (",) i also drank quite a bit... and cuz our wine is rather high % alc... i was feeling a bit slpy plus it was raining... i was quite :s in addition, we also took out the sauerkraut to taste... a bit disgusting though... haha cuz we used the solution to grow the bacteria? but but... fermented foods are liddat mar... sure to contain bacteria deshou? hm, i only tried my group which was safe... one group's sauerkraut was kinda salty but not sour... not very safe to eat... who knows wat lives in it? if got LAB (lactic acid bacteria), sure sour le rite? ohoh~ i also ate grapefruits and oranges... hahaha a bit lazy to eat but i forced eugene to peel for me... in the end, the guys were the ones clearing up while gals chitchat...

so in conclusion, today's lab is wu liaoz... =p food sci lab always got plenty time to waste n chitchat... we are always noisy~ hahaha tmr is bahkwa group to do sensory for their prawn crackers with pork floss... when's birdnest's turn? i am very tired le... my hand feels energyless to type... going to slp b4 dinner... =p *nitez*

*Sabishii*

its really been a long time since i type entries to talk abt myself... hahaha you know something? i always love to talk abt myself and i can talk for very long... which made me so enthu abt writing online diary when i first started out... but why am i talking abt it? *digress le*

my laptop was having some stupid problem... yaya when it tried to start up, it warned me about time not fixed properly... its the same old problem... i suspect within the next few times i attempt to use this laptop, i will get the damn black screen again... which means i totally cant use this laptop... i hate it, seriously... but yaya wat to do? my neighbour's son is not free to help us out... and my sis dun wan me to reformat it?

today suddenly i fell into very bad mood again... haha cant rem when i was very very sad like today... i would tink its very long ago... but to people ard me? maybe not... yaya they would say you flare up every now and then? wat a joke...

it seems a long time when we ever had a nice little chat... really a long time... i really hope tat we could chat nicely just now becuz i said i wanna leave cuz he's busy, at least he said he wld talk to me... but only after a while, he said he wanna off? she me yi si~ >_<

=rain=

as i was watching the webcam, i feel tears welling up in my eyes... >_<

*hen mei yong de wo*

- RaSa SeNtOsA (I) -

since previous time he went back during feb... we have been planning for a trip to bintan... of cuz in the end we din go lar... see from the title also know right? hahaha ended up in sentosa instead... :p

oh in the morning, i went to meet him ar... he's still showering... den went to have chicken rice with his bro... alamak... the portion of chicken rice is scary for one person to finish!!!!!! : den we went tmc to get his stuffs... den directly went harbourfront... ate yoshinoya... =) standing at bengawan solo, choosing cake... hahaha lucky we bought 5 or 6 pieces of cake instead of getting a whole cake... *anyway we din managed to finish the cakes lor* :s

we took cable car to sentosa... yeah, i like taking cable car... and, ya i should try to refrain from talking rubbish on cable car... i rem the yr me, yj, hl, sy went genting tog... den i said "if cable car spoilt how?" den suai suai!!! it really spoilt and under repair... in the end we got to take the winding road up to genting... :s the cable car tower was really very crowded with all the tourists... it was a friday... even though we bought tics for the normal cabin... in the end we were allocated glass cabin!!! cuz most of the tourists are in big groups mar... two of us can easily get into glass cabin, leaving them to fit other cabins... oh, we were with a group of middle aged japanese... thru out the journey, they were blabbering... haha can understd only a lil bit... :p

*to be continued*

(right now playing checkers with cuiyun and minesweeper with qq)

:: FiRsT yEaR ::

seems that i haven update for very very long... yaya :s i even forgot the sign in name lor... luckily there's this thingy called "trial n error"... hahaha~
 
the story continues from i came back from batam right? den~ his passport took forever to renew lor... so sianz... but he managed to come on 15 july... its weitian's birthday tat day... but she celebrated it the sunday before this actual date... 15 july is also our 1st yr... =) ohoh~ where did we go ar? tokyo tomyam at p.s. to makan... but but but dun have black sesame ice cream... :'( tats too bad... next time shld go n try eat the black sesame ice cream there... it's very nice! hahaha den yaya meifang ever recommended this ice cream at tangs basement... 95% fat free!!!! *sounds good for those on diet* =p but its still very nice... got interesting flavours there... *must try* 
 
den we went walk walk ard p.s... yaya went best denki to buy kettle for his brothers... den den oh! i saw some ice cream maker... quite interesting ler... hehe~ reminds me of our ice cream "fruitysoy"... =p den den yayaya... *yawn* looking ard for laptops... cuz he wanna get a new laptop... hahaha in the end, he bought "fujitsu"... den we went carrefour? just walk walk ard... den go baleno... hehe~ we saw a t-shirt with html stuffs... reminds me of the pink tshirt at heerens which also got similar designs... tat time he din buy den in the end dun have le... this time he bought le... its green and he wore it to milk's bday party... =) aft tat, we went home le...

Back from Batam (II)

*back* me jus came back from weitian's bday party... *to be updated in the next entry* wat was i saying jus now? cant really rem... i tink i jus said i was sleeping all the way till home? hahaha yaya sleep and sleep... tats wat i like... =p

my first meal was dinner in batam... and wat was it????? FOUR bowls of noodles... :s yaya, as usual he nvr fails to order less ar... fishball noodles, prawn noodles, satay noodles and wanton noodles... the wanton noodles is v. special... not our usual meepok or meekia... its called mie keriting... *curly* quite nice! :D but i was v.v. full ler... argh, getting fatter le... :( somemore, for supper i had milo and cheesecake... milo ar, its the usual instant milo tat i drink... but with additional condensed milk added... and the cheesecake is from breadtalk wan... hahaha always wondering how come he and his family like the cheesecake so much... its really not bad! =)

den den wats next? i had tea for breakfast... :) according to some teochew person :p, teochew ppl like to drink tea every morning? issit true ar? i dunno but yaya my mum does boil water for tea every morning without fail... hahahaha our supposedly lunch is at centrepoint... hahaha not the one at sg but the one at btm... at a place called rm ria... wat is rm? it means rumah makan i.e. eating place... ayam penyet is very very nice... den got this vegetable salad called erm erm erm pecel?? cant rem the name... :s its very different from the usual salad... its very very spicy!!! hehehe at last the dessert is es teler... *wah, super nice* i like like!!! got fruits in it like jackfruit and dunno wat... green bean, grass jelly, green worms... i mean jelly tat looks like green worms... :p it has a very nice and sweet smell... i prefer this to ice kachang lor... :)

dinner is the most look-forward-to empek empek!!! hahaha we went there quite late... around six when the place closes at seven?? :s we ordered 2 empek empek... den takeaway 1... hahaha still in my fridge... den den i drink two glasses of orange juice... hahaha its the sweet sweet orange juice... how to say ar? its different lar... hahaha den den we had mie ayam... and also nasi kuning... i like!! hmm~ actually any delicious food i will like lor... :s *getting fatter*

so after dinner, he sent me to harbour den byebye le... :'( btw, there's ice cream at the harbour wor... i would wan to eat if i din eat so much for lunch and dinner... :s hahahaha the above is a report of food sampling at nagoya, batam... =)

Back from Batam (I)

Heehee i jus came back from batam... *see title?* =p it was the latest i have ever came back i tink... yaya, cuz the ferry was much less crowded and also the shops at harbourfront were all closed le... :s i was kinda blur when i was at the customs... *very very tired* in fact, i fell asleep on the ferry even before it started to move away from the batam harbour... i woke up when i was around sentosa region... den den on the train, i slept from outram till tanah merah... all the sleeping made me even more sleepy... i cant help but sleep straight away till next morning... *of cuz i showered b4 that lar* :p

gtg weitian's bday party le... to be continued...

Fruit Helps Eyes Stay Healthy

Taken from www.ivillage.com:

Scientists have found that people who ate at least three daily servings of fruit had a 36 percent lower risk of developing age-related macular degeneration (AMD) than people who ate fewer than 1.5 servings a day.

This AMD thingy can lead to blindness in old people... yayaya according to the report, previous studies have shown association of antioxidants with AMD... *suddenly rem my antioxidant n kale* :'( but recent studies had shown lil association... dunno hoh... it has some relation with the vitamins... wat exactly brought about the effect to delay AMD is unknown... if you are interested, can research on it lar... hahaha :p

So, ppl take care of ur eyes... eat more fruits~ =)

all i have is pain.

yesterday after japanese class, i had nowhere to go... but there's still a four hour interval before my work starts... so i went orchard kinokuniya to see books... hmm~ quite a few nice books... but *wo ren* >_< den went hmv see see look look cds... but not much nice ones ard... den i started having headache... at first it's just a lil bit hurting... when i started work at west mall, it began to hurt more n more... i tried very hard to sell while having this stupid headache... when i was on my way hm, i felt giddy also... suddenly while walking, nearly lost my balance... maybe i am just too tired... felt better when i got hm anyway...

however, this morning/afternoon i woke up not feeling well... after having breakfast, my stomach dun feel well... dunno ler... in the end, i din eat much for lunch... cuz stomach still dun feel well... i am in a totally bad mood today... not just today ba... everyday!

Xventure @ west mall (day 1)

last nite, i could not sleep at all... tossing and turning... cant imagine just a few hrs and it's 6am... *time to wake up*

mood index: negative

i actually reached the place one hr earlier... ended up in BK eating breakfast alone... today's first day outdoor event for guardian... it's very hot, especially the weather nowadays... i tink i might just heat stroke anytime liddat... but its good to be busy... at least u dun rem stuffs tat u wun like to remind urself of... half a day work ended rather fast and here i am typing this entry...

mood index: negative

:: testing ::

It's my first post here~

Welcome~ \(^^)/